Amidst the craziness of packing and getting ready for burning man and working and all of the changes going around me, the only thing I can think of to do is to try to capture this pivotal moment in my life because I know this is very significant.. I haven't even written a blog in over a year but I really want to just capture me. Right now. And see where I am in a few months because it feels like my life will be changing rapidly in the next year, and on into the next few years as I really try to hone in on what I want to be doing with my entire life...
So, it is the 1st week of fall semester at Humboldt State University, where last spring, I received my Bachelor's of Science in Environmental Science with an emphasis in ecological restoration and a minor in wildland soil science. Life is different now. I can feel it. I've thought a lot all summer about what my next steps will be, but happy for now working at Lanphere among some of the best people I've known and in the most beautiful place I've ever worked. Yesterday we had a BBQ for a visiting researcher from New Zealand who told me "What you are doing here is internationally significant." This may have been a comment in passing in the casual setting of a BBQ but it has made a huge impact on me personally. It made me reflect on what I am doing and what personal goals I've achieved and how I might be making my mark in this world. I seem to be someone who, ever since I was little, felt some sort of inherent guilt for human kind and how it has treated our mother Earth, and on top of that, a constant fascination with nature and all of the amazing plants and animals we share this planet with, which has been painful, dreadful, agonizing but also incredible, amazing and humbling. I always wondered why I was put on this planet with this amount of privilege. Why do I have the chance to go to college and most people can't? Or why do I have enough food in my belly, fresh drinking water, a roof over my head and spare change in a jar on my dresser? I think most people in my position don't step back and see how lucky they are to be in this position, but it both tears me up and makes me so thankful. I want to help people, and help undo what my predecessors have done. I realize that these are the cards I have been dealt. This is the state of the world I was born into and instead of feeling horrible on behalf of my species to the other species of this world, I simply must be aware - Here comes the education part - and do everything I can to restore the habitat we live in and restore peace and love to the hearts of those who I encounter. So even though I am now $36,000 in debt, I am thankful for a college experience that is priceless. I have so many professors and employers who are passionate and not afraid to be honest with me on how things are even if it may make me jaded or hopeless. I am too much of a stubborn optimist to become hopeless. I mean, everyone has certain expectations that they have on the world, and I say, even if the world does go to shit and we are totally fucked, I know that I tried my damnedest to help others and give us a chance. I realize we are only in a temporary phase of the Earth, and soon the world we know will not be here any longer. I realize that this too shall pass. I am not resisting that or denying that. All I know is that I can feel okay with these changes, and even if the Mayans were right about 2012, I did everything I could to love and care for my fellow earthlings the best way that I knew how. And what an interesting ride it will be in the coming years.. what a time to be alive! And I know that in my little refuge that I work at, in this little tiny patch of rural northern California, where most people locally don't even know it exists, coming home stinking of salt-marsh, getting attacked by mosquitoes, going to the emergency room for getting horrible poison oak because I needed to plant trees, getting stuck in mud flats when the tides came in, bushwhacking through brambles and thick brush, all of this is significant, and even "internationally significant," bringing people from Spain, Argentina, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and else where.. This place and the work that I do here is special and it is good work. I saw a quote at Rainbow Gathering that said "Work is the physical manifestation of love." It is doing all of these things. My goals are achieved.
I have also had the opportunity to intern at a local organic farm and learn a lot about how to grow my own food and help in the community here to do more by helping bring fresh food to families. I still have a lot of goals.. grad school is definitely one of those goals, so that for one I can keep learning and growing, and also to be able to have more "power" to make more significant impacts for the sake of the people and the earth. I like it here, I love working hard in the outdoors but I also get a traveling itch sometimes too.. Not sure where I may end up but I thought about returning to my hometown of Portland, Oregon where I'll still be in the Pacific NW which will always be my home. Ideally I think I'd like to start a native plant nursery and permaculture farm as well has have my own business restoring habitats, although if I have everything taken care of, I'd like to no longer have money as something I would need or ask for in return. Work trade, barter for services, that sort of thing.. but as long as I am still within the restrictions of student loan debt and other "realities" of money, I will still work for the $.. But at least in the next 10 days or so, I will be able to take a break from the main stream economy based on little green pieces of paper and metal, and into an economy that I hope to live in one day: a gift economy. Going to burning man in 4 days, where I will feel truly free and I am so excited to spread my love to the people and learn and grow from this! But some goals for post-burning man include, more yoga, a dairy and gluten free diet, studying for my GRE's, and more reflection and work towards my long-term goals.
So, it is the 1st week of fall semester at Humboldt State University, where last spring, I received my Bachelor's of Science in Environmental Science with an emphasis in ecological restoration and a minor in wildland soil science. Life is different now. I can feel it. I've thought a lot all summer about what my next steps will be, but happy for now working at Lanphere among some of the best people I've known and in the most beautiful place I've ever worked. Yesterday we had a BBQ for a visiting researcher from New Zealand who told me "What you are doing here is internationally significant." This may have been a comment in passing in the casual setting of a BBQ but it has made a huge impact on me personally. It made me reflect on what I am doing and what personal goals I've achieved and how I might be making my mark in this world. I seem to be someone who, ever since I was little, felt some sort of inherent guilt for human kind and how it has treated our mother Earth, and on top of that, a constant fascination with nature and all of the amazing plants and animals we share this planet with, which has been painful, dreadful, agonizing but also incredible, amazing and humbling. I always wondered why I was put on this planet with this amount of privilege. Why do I have the chance to go to college and most people can't? Or why do I have enough food in my belly, fresh drinking water, a roof over my head and spare change in a jar on my dresser? I think most people in my position don't step back and see how lucky they are to be in this position, but it both tears me up and makes me so thankful. I want to help people, and help undo what my predecessors have done. I realize that these are the cards I have been dealt. This is the state of the world I was born into and instead of feeling horrible on behalf of my species to the other species of this world, I simply must be aware - Here comes the education part - and do everything I can to restore the habitat we live in and restore peace and love to the hearts of those who I encounter. So even though I am now $36,000 in debt, I am thankful for a college experience that is priceless. I have so many professors and employers who are passionate and not afraid to be honest with me on how things are even if it may make me jaded or hopeless. I am too much of a stubborn optimist to become hopeless. I mean, everyone has certain expectations that they have on the world, and I say, even if the world does go to shit and we are totally fucked, I know that I tried my damnedest to help others and give us a chance. I realize we are only in a temporary phase of the Earth, and soon the world we know will not be here any longer. I realize that this too shall pass. I am not resisting that or denying that. All I know is that I can feel okay with these changes, and even if the Mayans were right about 2012, I did everything I could to love and care for my fellow earthlings the best way that I knew how. And what an interesting ride it will be in the coming years.. what a time to be alive! And I know that in my little refuge that I work at, in this little tiny patch of rural northern California, where most people locally don't even know it exists, coming home stinking of salt-marsh, getting attacked by mosquitoes, going to the emergency room for getting horrible poison oak because I needed to plant trees, getting stuck in mud flats when the tides came in, bushwhacking through brambles and thick brush, all of this is significant, and even "internationally significant," bringing people from Spain, Argentina, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and else where.. This place and the work that I do here is special and it is good work. I saw a quote at Rainbow Gathering that said "Work is the physical manifestation of love." It is doing all of these things. My goals are achieved.
I have also had the opportunity to intern at a local organic farm and learn a lot about how to grow my own food and help in the community here to do more by helping bring fresh food to families. I still have a lot of goals.. grad school is definitely one of those goals, so that for one I can keep learning and growing, and also to be able to have more "power" to make more significant impacts for the sake of the people and the earth. I like it here, I love working hard in the outdoors but I also get a traveling itch sometimes too.. Not sure where I may end up but I thought about returning to my hometown of Portland, Oregon where I'll still be in the Pacific NW which will always be my home. Ideally I think I'd like to start a native plant nursery and permaculture farm as well has have my own business restoring habitats, although if I have everything taken care of, I'd like to no longer have money as something I would need or ask for in return. Work trade, barter for services, that sort of thing.. but as long as I am still within the restrictions of student loan debt and other "realities" of money, I will still work for the $.. But at least in the next 10 days or so, I will be able to take a break from the main stream economy based on little green pieces of paper and metal, and into an economy that I hope to live in one day: a gift economy. Going to burning man in 4 days, where I will feel truly free and I am so excited to spread my love to the people and learn and grow from this! But some goals for post-burning man include, more yoga, a dairy and gluten free diet, studying for my GRE's, and more reflection and work towards my long-term goals. 
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